I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
