arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize