I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
