everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
