Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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