whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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