Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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