Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
