Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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