She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
