Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
