He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize