Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize