She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
