I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize