i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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