I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize