she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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