Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
