Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize