I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
