you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
