Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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