you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
