I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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