so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
