i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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