someone get that fucking seahorse.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
