Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
