Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
