I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
