I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
