Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
