you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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