he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
