Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
