There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
