that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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