Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
