'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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