Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
