Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
