The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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