He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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