what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize