Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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