i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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