Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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