In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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