My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
