random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
