the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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