Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
