Umm I'm too high to move.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
