there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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