I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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