so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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