I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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