I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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