One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
