I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
