Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
