we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
