The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
