im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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