I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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