Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
