How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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